I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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