Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
