I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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