I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
