haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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