Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
