hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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