Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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