I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize