11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
