apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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