I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
