I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
