i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
