dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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