Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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