I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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