she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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