I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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