bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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