And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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