I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
