K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just had sex bonerless
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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