If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
