Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize