youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize