My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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