I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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