I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
