Nicole vs. Life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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