I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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