did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
