My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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