honey bunches of taint.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize