so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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