I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize