Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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