If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The uberlube is also flammable
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
