so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
