I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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