he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
