Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
