i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
