Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize