I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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