I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
