don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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