I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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