turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
