I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
