I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
