The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
