I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
