New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
