Got a toothbrush?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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