I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
