i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
