Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
