We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
