she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
