Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
