Michael Bay diarrhea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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