i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
