Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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