Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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