idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
