I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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