Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
