FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
