# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
