Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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