My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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