Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize