everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
