I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
