five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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