The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
