I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
