I am puke
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
