I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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