Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
