why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize