Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
