I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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