Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
